(Updated from a May 2017 post “5 Signs You Shirk Responsibility When Communicating”)
Communicating effectively is probably the most common area where managers, team leaders, and executives can grow. In fact, surveys indicate the following:
- Teams who communicate effectively in the workplace may see as much as a 25% increase in their productivity (Pumble.com, 2021).
- According to research conducted by US firm Gartner, poor communication is responsible for 70% of corporate errors.
- A Harris poll (2016) found that 69% of managers surveyed were often uncomfortable communicating with employees.
In my experience, I’d bet that the discomfort cited by managers comes from not understanding their own perspective on an issue, what drives, and it, and what they need in the conversation or from the other person to get on the same page and feel respected and heard. From what I’ve seen and noticed in myself, most of the time people are more interested in advocating for their ideas and “winning” instead of understanding your own point of view and what drives it.
This means, you must first become aware of how you’re showing up in conversations and discussions. One simple (but not easy) technique that can help you improve your communication through increased awareness focuses on a tenet of Non-Violent Communication (NVC) from the teachings of Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg, which is to come off autopilot with more awareness and pay attention to the actual facts, the emotions they bring up for you, and what you need or value in the situation. When you do these things, you take responsibility for your own experience during any interaction.
Once aware of what you’re experiencing, you can then make a request of the other person that will allow you to meet what you need in the moment. Using NVC allows you to create greater connection and understanding by discerning and meeting your own needs and probably understanding better the other’s needs, too.
Signs You’re Not Taking Responsibility in the Conversation
How well do you take responsibility during interactions? Here are 5 signs that you might be shirking responsibility and inhibiting your ability to communicate effectively:
- If I don’t get what I want from an interaction, I give up and blame the other person for not understanding.
- If business results are poor, I look at what other’s did or failed to do to cause them.
- Under pressure, I get reactive and express my first impulse or feeling regardless of how it will impact others.
- When in a conflict with another, I stand my ground and wait for them to apologize first.
- Even if others admit mistakes, I often hold a grudge and have a hard time working effectively with them in the future.
If even one of the above statements describes you, consider taking a hard look at your responsibility in that instance. What have you not been paying attention to …. the facts? your emotions around those facts? or what you need or value with respect to the issue at hand?
Leadership requires you to look at yourself first and to shoulder the responsibility for outcomes and relationships with your group or team. Learning more effective communication techniques, like those taught in NVC, can help you do just that by starting with where you’re coming from on an issue first.
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, BLOG, OR WEBSITE? You can, as long as you include this information with it: Beth Strathman coaches middle managers, team leaders, teams, and executives to “lead like nobody’s business” by building teams and workplaces that foster greater inclusion, learning, participation, and innovation. Learn more about her work at: leadlikenobodysbusiness.com.
