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How Well Do You Handle Power? Leadership of Entitlement Vs. Responsibility

What’s more important to you — the status you get from being in a leadership position or the responsibility to serve others? The quality of your leadership is shaped by whether you emphasize the status and privilege that you get from being in a leadership position versus the responsibility you have toward others.

The Importance of Initiation for Leadership

In traditional cultures throughout time, you would have undergone initiations to mark important transitions and stages in life to acknowledge reaching a new level of maturity or ability. For example, an initiation could indicate whether you were ready to become an elder or a leader in the group. Initiation can also reveal your life purpose and unique talents to yourself and the community. Through initiatory processes, a group learns to trust individuals to be in positions of power like being a chief or an elder in a tribe. With each successive initiation, you would examine some aspect of yourself for the purpose of letting go of qualities or behaviors that won’t work for them going forward. The idea is that you would grow into your unique self over time and to become a better person and bring your unique gifts to the community.

An African Tale About Initiation & Leadership

There is a traditional African story that illustrates the importance of initiation in terms of leadership. It involves a brother and sister, whose father had passed away. One day after his passing, the father appeared to the siblings and waved them over to follow after him. They follow him even though they can’t believe their eyes. He led them to down through a hole in the ground, and underneath the ground, they see an entire village. The father led the children to the center of what appeared to be a deserted village and motioned to them to hide in some nearby bushes, where they could silently watch what happened. After a while, a crowd of people come to the center of the village, followed shortly by someone who looked like an important person. The boy and girl saw one side of this person was covered in maggots. The people of the village gathered around and started picking away the maggots and cleansing this side of this high-status person. After they had done that , it was getting dark so everyone, including the important chief or elder, left. The brother and sister stayed hiding until dawn the next morning, when the people again returned, followed the important person. This time, the children saw their other side, which was covered in gold. Again, the people of the village gathered around and began anointing this golden side the chief with oil and polished it until it gleamed brightly. When the ritual was complete everyone departed. Now this story points out a couple of important things about leadership:

• Even as a leader, you have both wonderful qualities that support your work with others (gold) and some not-so-wonderful qualities that block your ability to express your unique wisdom and talents (maggots). With intention and the help of those around you, you can cleanse what is wounded and unwanted, like the maggot side, and polish your noble aspects, like the gold side.

The Wisdom Missed for Today's Leaders

Today, you are probably not as aware of the initiations you go through in life — even if you go through a ceremony — but they still happen. Unfortunately, it’s likely you miss the wisdom you could get out of them. As a result, instead of consciously designing and debriefing initiations that prepare you psychologically for the responsibility of leadership, today’s culture focuses more on the outer material things you can achieve as you climb in status. Thus, it’s likely that you were not adequately centered in knowing yourself and were unprepared to assume your first (and maybe subsequent) leadership position. It’s likely you hadn’t determined and detonated your emotional triggers or defined their own unique purpose and contribution in life. In other words, you probably weren’t fully aware of or worked to heal your own maggots. And you probably hadn’t fully embraced and polished your unique gifts and talents to use for the benefit of others.

The Recurring Mistake Organizations Make with Leadership

Also in my experience, most companies are not very good at creating structures to support individuals to be ready for positions of greater responsibility leading and supervising others. Instead, the assumption organizations often make is that if you are good at a job due to your technical skills, you’ll be able to lead others effectively. When that assumption is proven false, in some cases, the company calls someone like me to help polish the leader’s “gold” and become aware of and cleanse the “maggots” through coaching. All this to say, our society bases its definition of success on outward appearances.  To this end, most companies’ repeatedly fail to prepare prospective leaders for the level of self-awareness and emotional maturity required to be effective . This leads to an over-emphasis on the outward status and the material perks of leadership by many of those in leadership positions. This superficial emphasis on the outward trappings of occupying an elevated position are a false signal of worthiness and competence and only serve to reinforce the Ego. In all likelihood, you will focus on what’s in it for you if you haven’t done the work on yourself (been initiated). This means, your presence and leadership will not be as beneficial to others as it could be. Any inability to handle yourself appropriately impacts your ability to handle power and authority appropriately. Thus, any “maggots” will be painfully evident to everyone around you – others will clearly see your wounds and your shadow qualities even if you don’t see them yourself. Accordingly, most organization do not prepare or initiate new leaders for the psychological and interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence required to lead others effectively. So, instead of focusing on the status and the perks of leadership (which are often really nice and you should enjoy them), a mindset shift is necessary: with leadership comes greater responsibility to others, which means the process of becoming a leader is a great opportunity for you to grow as a human being. In fact, weirdly, situations will come up (sometimes repeatedly) that require you to face aspects of yourself that you may need to question, reinforce, or even transform. These situations will seem specifically tailored  for you. Situations will repeatedly reflect old patterns and beliefs until you increase your emotional intelligence and take your responsibility to others more seriously. To conclude, leadership is more about being mindful and humble about your responsibility to others, and that requires you to get in good emotional and psychological shape. It’s less about any entitlement to elevated status and perks. Understanding this allows you to focus on your own development into the type of person who is ready to lead others (and help them grow too). After all, when you attend to your “maggots”, you allow your healed and polished authentic self to impact your team, your community, and the world in the most positive way possible.

Using Non-Violent Communication: 5 Clues You’re Not Taking Responsibility in Interactions

(Updated from a May 2017 post “5 Signs You Shirk Responsibility When Communicating”) Communicating effectively is probably the most common area where managers, team leaders, and executives can grow. In fact, surveys indicate the following:

• Teams who communicate effectively in the workplace may see as much as a 25% increase in their productivity (Pumble.com, 2021).
• According to research conducted by US firm Gartner, poor communication is responsible for 70% of corporate errors.
• A Harris poll (2016) found that 69% of managers surveyed were often uncomfortable communicating with employees.

In my experience, I’d bet that the discomfort cited by managers comes from not understanding their own perspective on an issue, what drives, and it, and what they need in the conversation or from the other person to get on the same page and feel respected and heard. From what I’ve seen and noticed in myself, most of the time people are more interested in advocating for their ideas and “winning” instead of understanding your own point of view and what drives it. This means, you must first become aware of how you’re showing up in conversations and discussions. One simple (but not easy) technique that can help you improve your communication through increased awareness focuses on a tenet of Non-Violent Communication (NVC) from the teachings of Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg, which is to come off autopilot with more awareness and pay attention to the actual facts, the emotions they bring up for you, and what you need or value in the situation. When you do these things, you take responsibility for your own experience during any interaction. Once aware of what you’re experiencing, you can then make a request of the other person that will allow you to meet what you need in the moment. Using NVC allows you to create greater connection and understanding by discerning and meeting your own needs and probably understanding better the other’s needs, too.

Signs You're Not Taking Responsibility in the Conversation

How well do you take responsibility during interactions? Here are 5 signs that you might be shirking responsibility and inhibiting your ability to communicate effectively:

1. If I don’t get what I want from an interaction, I give up and blame the other person for not understanding.
2. If business results are poor, I look at what other’s did or failed to do to cause them.
3. Under pressure, I get reactive and express my first impulse or feeling regardless of how it will impact others.
4. When in a conflict with another, I stand my ground and wait for them to apologize first.
5. Even if others admit mistakes, I often hold a grudge and have a hard time working effectively with them in the future.

If even one of the above statements describes you, consider taking a hard look at your responsibility in that instance. What have you not been paying attention to …. the facts? your emotions around those facts? or what you need or value with respect to the issue at hand? Leadership requires you to look at yourself first and to shoulder the responsibility for outcomes and relationships with your group or team. Learning more effective communication techniques, like those taught in NVC, can help you do just that by starting with where you’re coming from on an issue first.   WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, BLOG, OR WEBSITE? You can, as long as you include this information with it: Beth Strathman coaches middle managers, team leaders, teams, and executives to “lead like nobody’s business” by building teams and workplaces that foster greater inclusion, learning, participation, and innovation. Learn more about her work at:  leadlikenobodysbusiness.com.

As a Supervisor, Are You Leading or Bullying?

(This is an updated version of a post I did in October 2012.) “I feel like you’re intimidating and bullying me.”  These are the words of a female employee during a meeting with her male supervisor, who intended to set expectations with her. Taken aback, the supervisor started to question his behavior. With stories of children being bullied at school and with differences between generations at work, it makes you stop and think about bullying in the workplace. As a supervisor, how do you know whether you are leading or bullying? At work, a few employees will attempt to deflect responsibility and attention away from themselves, especially when a supervisor addresses a work issue. One thing an employee may say, whether they really believe it or not, is that you are bullying” them. It seems for some employees, no one – not even their supervisor – has a right to set or clarify expectations for their conduct or performance at work. Also, some employees may use the word “intimidation” when describing what it felt like when they were called into their supervisor’s office to discuss a performance issue. Well, sure, it can be intimidating, especially for those who know deep down they’ve failed in their work commitment.  But that doesn’t mean the boss was indeed intimidating, purposefully or not, and it doesn’t mean they are a bully. What it does mean is that the use and misuse of power and authority by supervisors is often at the heart of perceptions of bullying.

 Correlations Between Bullying Behavior and Leadership Style and Traits

 Your leadership style and other personality traits can make it more likely an employee will perceive they are bullied, even if your manner or behavior doesn’t cross a line (usually set by the organization’s standards of conduct). One study found that bullying correlated with all four leadership styles measured and that:

• An autocratic leadership style was the strongest predictor of bullying observed by others;
• A laissez-faire leadership style emerged as a predictor of self-reported as well as observed bullying; and
• An unpredictable style of leadership, where punishment is meted out or delivered on leaders' own terms, independent of the target employee’s behavior was the strongest predictor of self-perceived bullying.

(Hoel, et al, 2009) In contrast to the autocratic leadership style, a more recent study found that a more democratic and communal leadership orientation may lead to fewer perceptions of bullying in the workplace. (Houghton et al, 2021).

 Distinguishing  Bullying and Supervisory Behavior

 According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, bullying is “repeated, health-harming mistreatment by one or more employees of an employee: abusive conduct that takes the form of verbal abuse; or behaviors perceived as threatening, intimidating, or humiliating; work sabotage” or a combination of these. It is often a “systematic campaign of interpersonal destruction” that causes harm such as health issues, adverse employment actions, (i.e., demotion, termination, reprimand, failure to promote, etc.), or even constructive discharge. Bullying behavior can include ostracizing or isolating, being aggressive or intrusive, minimizing, intimidating, criticizing, or spreading gossip about the target of their bullying. Often, a peer or supervisor will bully another employee due to professional jealousy, being seen as a threat to the bully’s social status to their ability to be in control, or being insecure or having low self-esteem. To check your behavior as a supervisor, use the chart below to clarify bullying versus appropriate supervisory behaviors:

Bullying	Leading as a Supervisor
During a performance review, the supervisor is intentionally biased or gives inaccurate feedback because they don’t like the employee even though the employee is a good performer.	During a performance review, the supervisor shares honest, substantiated feedback with the employee, whether or not they like the employee as a person.
The supervisor deliberately excludes an employee from workplace meetings and activities for no good reason or for a concocted reason while other employees on the same team or in the same job classification are invited to attend.	The supervisor includes an employee in workplace meetings and activities that other employees on the same team or in the same job classification attend, whether or not the supervisor like the employee and even if the employee is not the best performer.
The supervisor instigates, encourages, or fails to stop others from spreading malicious gossip, jokes, or rumors about an employee.	The supervisor refrains from joking about, gossiping or spreading rumors about any employees, and addresses such behavior with other employees who engage in it. Instead of listening to gossip and rumors, the supervisors ignores it, or if warranted, follows up with the employee directly and privately, giving them an opportunity to give their version of the situation.
The supervisor pesters, spies, or stalks the employee with no business reason for doing so.	The supervisor monitors all employees’ whereabouts and productivity if there is a business reason for doing so, and documents and addresses any issues of attendance or productivity privately with an employee, giving them an opportunity to give their version of the situation.
The supervisor criticizes or belittles the employee persistently or allows others to do so without saying anything.	The supervisor speaks privately with the employee if there are documented conduct or performance issues, and gets the employee’s explanation during the conversation.
The supervisor applies undeserved or unwarranted corrective action or discipline to an employee.	The supervisor addresses only work-related issues, supported by relevant information regarding a situation, including the employee’s version of events, before deciding whether or not to discipline an employee for workplace misconduct.
The supervisor consistently gives a good performer assignments that are beneath their position to create a feeling of uselessness.	The supervisor holds all employees accountable to job performance standards and documents/addresses sub-standard performance with interventions such as re-training, job shadowing, or a performance plan.

Regardless of how you show up, the authority inherent in your position will automatically intimidate some. Still, as a supervisor, everything you do and say will be magnified 1000 times by that authority. That’s why it’s a good idea to become aware your own insecurities and the way you react when stressed. Your insecurity and reactive behavior could be sending unintended messages that employees interpret as bullying. Also, work with your human resources department to know how to address workplace issues with employees with professionalism and respect. Want to plan out a tough conversation you need to have with an employee?  Download my Conversation Planner

How Double-Loop Learning Will Increase Your Team’s Agility and Effectiveness

The Learning Cycle is a simple framework used by teams to improve products and processes. It’s a cycle that includes Planning, Doing, Reviewing, and Learning from the results of projects and tasks. This basic learning cycle is useful for reviewing events and spotting patterns  and to tweak task performance. However, for deeper learning and greater agility, take two passes around this cycle using a different emphasis the second time around.

Single-Loop Learning

Use the first pass around the Learning Cycle to focus on what happened when you performed a task or implemented activity and  focus on concrete factors, such as who, when, and how. This is referred to as “single loop learning”. During this initial loop around the cycle, your team seeks to detect and correct errors or undesirable outcomes by looking primarily at events and patterns that occurred. The cycle entails …

• Observing and collecting information during and after the fact,
• Assessing the results against desired measures and outcomes,
• Proposing causes and connections between events, and
• Adjusting techniques used in order to correct errors and to make improvements as you modify your original plan and start the cycle again.

Double-Loop Learning Will Take You Deeper

After taking the first loop around the learning cycle, consider going around the framework a second time.  However, this time around, go deeper into how the beliefs underlying the original vision, goals, frameworks, and norms. Doing this allows you to reflect on how the beliefs influenced and impacted your original plan, its implementation, and results. This second trip around puts you into double-loop learning. Using only the single loop, you address what is on the surface and is visible and obvious. However, the the second loop around the cycle deepens your review and reflection. During the second time around, look at the underlying thinking that shaped how you framed the task or project in the first place. In other words, double-loop learning moves you from considering only the visible actions, events, and outcomes to also consider the invisible mental models that influenced how you conceptualized the work. While single-loop learning focuses on the technical and practical, double-loop learning encourages you to go deeper. It encourages you  to question the basic assumptions and beliefs behind the relevant strategy, policies, norm, etc., used to conceive of and design your task work. Today’s complex, constantly-changing world requires your team to be more aware of the underlying beliefs that drive its work.  This is what makes you more agile and able to create greater value. Double-loop learning is a process that can improve your team’s discernment and lead to more meaningful and beneficial learning. Better ability to learn, in turn, will enable your team to adapt to changing conditions more effectively. With that adaptability and agility, your team will be more effective at serving its stakeholders now and into the future. WANT TO USE THIS IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, BLOG OR WEBSITE? You can, as long as you include this information with it: Beth Strathman works with executives and senior leaders to create team environments that optimize ownership, accountability, learning, and results. Learn more at bethstrathman.com.