5 Signs You Shirk Responsibility When Communicating

anger Communicating effectively is probably the most common area where most leaders need to grow. In fact, a 2016 Harris poll found that 69% of managers surveyed said that they’re often uncomfortable communicating with employees. I wager that discomfort comes from not knowing how to connect with the other person in a way that both of you will leave the conversation on the same page and feeling respected and heard. First, however, you must become aware that you’re not taking responsibility in your interactions with others.

One simple (but not easy) technique to take responsibility and thereby improve your communication with others comes from the teachings of Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg on Non-Violent Communication (NVC). Dr. Rosenberg’s teachings are based on consciously taking responsibility for yourself during any conversation. When you do this, you tune into your own observations, negative emotions, and underlying unmet needs that are shaping negative reactions you may have in a given situation. You can then make a request of the other person that will allow you to meet those needs. You will create connection and understanding by discerning and meeting your own needs and the needs of others.

Here are 5 signs that you might be shirking responsibility and inhibiting your ability to communicate effectively:

1. If I don’t get what I want from an interaction, I give up and blame the other person for not understanding.
2. If business results are poor, I look at what other’s did or failed to do to cause them.
3. Under pressure, I get reactive and express my first impulse or feeling regardless of how it will impact others.
4. When in a conflict with another, I don’t give in and wait for them to apologize first.
5. Even if others admit mistakes, I often hold a grudge and have a hard time working effectively with them in the future.

If even one of the above statements describes you, consider taking a hard look at your responsibility in that instance. Leadership requires you to look at yourself first and to shoulder the responsibility for everything that happens on your watch. Learning more effective communication techniques, like those taught in NVC, can help you do just that.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, BLOG OR WEBSITE? You can, as long as you include this information with it: Beth Strathman works with business leaders who want to increase productivity and retention by shifting their focus from daily tactical work to the strategic work required to move their companies forward. Learn more about her work at: bethstrathman.com.

This post was inspired by an interview with Julie Warr:

Julie-Warr-NVC Julie Warr Green, LCSW, MSW, ASUD, has a passion for compassion. Inspired after her attendance at the 2015 Parliament of Religions, followed by a serendipitous suggestion from her coach, Julie explored the teachings of Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg, the founder of the Center for Non-Violent Communication. For Julie, “the heavens opened, angels sang, and my mind lit up”. She knew she had found what she was meant to do. She is now a licensed clinical social worker and uses NVC to help clients and others create more satisfying, productive, and peaceful interactions.

The Hidden Meanings Behind Those Pesky Interruptions by Employees

“Hey, Boss. Do you have a minute?” How many times a week do you hear that? It can be frustrating to hear those words when you

were finally getting some momentum on your own projects. What can you do to maximize your own time at work by minimizing interruptions by your direct reports? First, you need to understand the hidden meanings behind them.

Hidden Meaning 1: “Should I even start this?”

Employees will interrupt you to get clarification about what you really expect them to do. This occurs when employees are unclear about your expectations or when you have a habit of jumping in to do their work (aka “micromanaging”). To counter this, get clear about how your time is best spent and which tasks and meetings could be delegated to direct reports. Also, clarify your expectations by defining the scope of work you assign them, along with deadlines and check-in points.

Hidden Meaning 2: “I’m not touching this with a 10-ft. pole.”

When things “blow up”, employees will interrupt you to solve the problem they see as “above their pay grades”. Often, you can avoid these types of “fires”. Minimize this type of interruption by exploring “why” things went sideways to begin with by using The 5 Whys technique. Once you know the root cause of the “fire”, you can put things in place to avoid these types of events and the interruptions that result.

Hidden Meaning 3: “This isn’t working the way it should.”

When processes aren’t working consistently to produce the expected results, you’re likely to get an unannounced knock at your door with a question about how to do something. Decrease interruptions due to process questions by spending time up front to (1) clarify ownership of processes, (2) automate what you can, and (3) fix the root causes of backlogs, poor hand-offs, and errors.

Hidden Meaning 4: “When are you gonna be around to discuss this?”

Your employees will interrupt you haphazardly if they are uncertain of your availability for questions and consultations. It pays to create predictable and consistent opportunities for them to give and receive information they need to do their jobs. To do this, ensure you have scheduled, timely meetings with direct reports – in groups or individually — for reporting back, checking up, and checking in. This allows you to stay abreast of what’s going on and encourages employees to save their updates for your next scheduled meeting.

Daily huddles and meetings on a weekly, monthly, and quarterly basis can cover the strategic and tactical information that needs to be shared. Additionally, you can schedule a couple hours throughout the week where your door is open for employees to talk with you for up to 15 minutes about the inevitable “things that come up”.

Instead of getting annoyed at interruptions, take the time to assess the reasons for the interruptions. Then, create the clarifications, processes, and meetings that give your direct reports the access to you that is warranted and productive.

3 Things Leaders Must Do to Bring Company Missions To Life

maze strategy Within months of the June 2016 investigation into a Tesla vehicle crash due to malfunctioning autopilot, CEO Elon Musk showed his commitment to Tesla Motors’ mission to “accelerate the world’s transition to sustainable energy”. He broke ground on a battery plant in Nevada and announced a bid and recently acquired a solar products company that has a similar commitment to sustainable energy.

What kept Musk going after this crash setback? He (and by extension his company, Tesla Motors) has a compelling mission that he lives and breathes.

This same commitment to accelerating the transition to sustainable energy drives Tesla Motors’ Patent policy, which states the company will not . . .

initiate patent lawsuits against anyone who, in good faith, wants to use its technology. Tesla was created to accelerate the advent of sustainable transport, and this policy is intended to encourage the advancement of a common, rapidly-evolving platform for electric vehicles, thereby benefiting Tesla, other companies making electric vehicles, and the world.

Allowing your competitors to compete against you using your own proprietary information? THAT’s living your company’s mission!

Make Your Mission Statement Mean Something

Some have opined that mission statements don’t really matter but that companies create them anyway because, well, that’s what you do. Yet, just because some companies are not good at creating compelling mission statements and actually using them doesn’t mean that mission statements are “dead”. To the contrary, they are a necessary and valuable component of a well-run corporate strategy.

61% of employees in North America don’t know their company’s mission. – Achievers Survey, September 2015

In fact, your company’s mission statement is part of the guidance system that focuses you on what you are here to do. It keeps your company on track, so you remain focused in a general direction and are less subject to the distraction of every bright, shiny opportunity in the world. Used effectively, your mission should inform your vision, your values, and corporate goals.

To what degree is your mission statement a vital and compelling guide for your business? Here are 3 critical ways to make sure you and your employees are living your company’s mission:

1. Assess How Well the Mission is Resonating

According to a recent survey by achievers.com, 61% of employees don’t know their company’s mission statement. Whether you do a formal or informal survey, find out if your employees know your company’s mission and how much passion there is for it. On a scale from 1-10, where are you? Where is the executive team?

The level of awareness of and passion for your mission is not only an indicator of how well you’ve built the mission into all aspects of the business, but it might also indicate whether you need to punch it up to make it more compelling. Also, take stock of what’s working and what’s not working with respect to how your mission is showing up in your company daily.

2. You Go First

To make your mission statement come alive, you of all people must embody it. How are you and the rest of the executive team helping it come alive or hindering it from doing so? Do you mention the mission statement often? What do you convey to others that shows you used the mission when making a decision? creating a vision for the foreseeable future? or setting a goal? In short, you must intentionally and consistently make others aware that the mission is embedded in all that you do and say.

3. Build the Mission Into Every Aspect of Your Business

In addition, you can ensure employees see the mission in action by using it as the foundation for all work practices, policies, processes and standards of conduct. Here are some ways to do that:

Make your mission explicit in policies, processes, team charters, etc.
Ensure each employee knows how their job furthers the mission.
State it regularly in meetings to set the tone and work it in to every project and assignment.
Ask employees how their current work furthers the mission.
Incorporate it in all decision-making regarding products, services, customer service, employees, community relations, etc.
Be explicit about how new goals, a new vision, new policies, new products, etc. align with the mission.
Reflect regularly on how well you live it.
Recognize and adjust obvious practices that are contrary to it.
When giving feedback, acknowledge the employee’s actions were consistent or inconsistent with the mission.

Your mission serves to keep you on the right track. It is the foundation of the alignment of everything in your company. Make sure you’re getting the most out of it.

5 Timeless Leadership Principles from the Ancient World

While most examples of leadership throughout history reflect the military prowess of masculine-dominant, patriarchal cultures, here are a few timeless principles of leadership from the Ancient World that are still valued in business in the 21st century.

Alexander the Great

After leading the Macedonians to a long-fought victory over Darius III and his Persians, Alexander drove his army to exhaustion. Contrary to wiser counsel, Alexander continued his ambitious attempt to expand his conquests to the east and died attempting to enter the city of Babylon. (It’s theorized that he died of malaria, which he may have contracted trying to enter Babylon via swamp land on the west side of the city.)

Alexander teaches us that great leaders inspire others with vision and strategic execution of that vision without making about themselves (ego).

Augustus Caesar (Octavian)

Especially in the early days of his reign, Augustus was not one to allow his enemies to get the better of him. He was ruthless in getting rid of those who didn’t fully support him after his uncle Julius Caesar’s demise, including Marc Antony. But as things settled in, Augustus understood the importance of keeping Rome running efficiently and effectively without the need for the drama of constant conquest. Thus began the Pax Romana.

Augustus teaches us that responsible administration is as important as flashy achievements.

Cleopatra

Strategic, intelligent and worldly, Cleopatra kept her focus on Egypt and what would be best for the Egyptian people, even if that meant creating an alliance with Rome, Egypt’s nemesis and the superpower of its day. In fact, Cleopatra was the first Ptolemy to learn the Egyptian language, which shows the importance of identifying with her people. She worked hard to maintain Egypt’s independence from Rome by creating strategic relationships with Eastern countries from Arabia to India.

Cleopatra teaches us to focus on what’s best strategically and out of responsibility for the entity or people you lead.

Leonidas

Leonidas led a force of about 1500 Greeks (300 of whom were Leonidas’ own Spartans) who stayed behind to guard the rest of the retreating Greek army from the Persian advance at Thermopylae. Most of this remaining Greek force was killed, including Leonidas and his 300 Spartans.

Leonidas teaches us that a leader must be willing to sacrifice short-term gain to achieve the long-term objective.

Hannibal

Hannibal ate, slept, and fought with his men and embodied the strength and stamina he expected his troops to maintain even while they were camped in the Alps during the harsh winter without adequate shelter and provisions.

Hannibal teaches us that leaders “go first”. Whatever you expect of your employees and company as a whole, you must be the leading example and role model for it.

Boudicca

Boudicca sought revenge against the Romans after they disregarded her deceased husband’s will and usurped his kingdom, disinheriting his wife and daughters. After 3 decisive victories against the Romans with her Celtic rebel forces, she pressed on, despite the fact her army was worn out and hungry. Although she had superior numbers, the Romans strategically chose a battleground that worked to their advantage. Driven by revenge, Boudicca attacked anyway and lost.

Boudicca teaches us to temper single-minded passion or heightened emotion with a measured, rational assessment of a situation.

While the context of life thousands of years ago was vastly different from that of the 21st century, ancient leaders exhibited timeless principles that still serve leaders today:
1. Have a compelling vision and execute it effectively without a focus on your own ego.
2. Build trust with employees and customers through consistent day-to-day administration.
3. Serve the greater good and know that strategically you may need to sacrifice in the short-term for long-term gain.
4. Leaders go first.
5. Balance heightened emotion like revenge or unbridled passion with reasoned judgment to avoid unnecessary risks.

New Beginnings: How to Gain Credibility in a New Role Without Slaughtering Sacred Cows

Sacred Cow Whether you were recently promoted to a leadership position for the first time, or you are a seasoned leader hired into a new company, stepping into a new role is exciting . . . and it can also be fraught with landmines and interpersonal dynamics you never dreamed of. If you transition to your new role thoughtfully, you increase your odds of making a great impression on others, avoiding critical errors that come from underestimating the power of corporate culture, and laying the foundation for getting results later on.

The biggest tendency is to jump right in to show how good you are, regaling others with your knowledge or solving problems that you can’t wait to address. Unfortunately, those who have been around awhile might see things different and might even take offense at all of your new-fangled ideas.

Unless you were hired into a desperate situation with the expectation that you would clean house from Day 1, you would be wise to ease in to your new role and be a bit circumspect. For the first three to six months, here are 6 things to do or keep in mind when you are the new kid on the block:

1. Take it slowly.

Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. You don’t have to “fix” everything you see that is wrong (in your eyes) all at once (unless that’s why you were hired). Let people get to know you first. Slowing down also allows you to more fully understand why things are the way they are. If you rush to make changes, you’re sure to step on toes that you can’t afford to offend.

2. Clarify what will make you “successful”.

To do this, look at what would make you successful based on the role, what your boss is looking for from you, and what you want to personally accomplish long- and short-term to be successful.

3. Make your boss shine.

Need I say more? It’s always good to make your boss look good, so what can you do in your new role to support your boss’s agenda?

4. Foster a relationship with each direct report.

The better your team knows you as a person, the easier it is for them to put your ideas and suggestions into context. Get to know what’s important to them and for their careers. They will already have trust in you and know you have their best interests at heart.

5. Don’t risk being labeled an “outsider” from the get-go.

Align with the company’s values and behavioral expectations. Figure out how things get done. Get a feel for the sacred cows, pet peeves, superstars, and outsiders. In short, adapt to your new surroundings. You can point out when and if the company doesn’t “walk its talk” later once others know and trust you.

6. Observe and uncover issues without solving them immediately.

Especially in your area of responsibility, get to know other players, learn about current and on-going issues, and just listen and observe. Spot patterns, learn the history of things, and tune into where there are alliances and feuds. Quietly hypothesize about root causes and possible solutions.

Sometimes less is more, and that seems to be apt when starting a new role (and especially in a new company). Ease into your job in the first 3-6 months and let the company adjust to you before you attempt to impact the new culture. Once you are a better-known quantity and accepted as part of the group, you’ll have the credibility to voice your observations, concerns, and solutions and have them taken seriously.

Feelings of Shame Are at the Heart of These 3 Leadership Types

The following leadership types come from feelings of underlying shame that center around their identities. Their behaviors reflect how they attempt to craft identities they believe are more worthy.

Business Dysfunction: Overcare

Leadership Type: Helper/Giver – This might be you if you find yourself giving and giving and giving and feel as though your employees take advantage of you. You never seem to get back the quantity or quality of “respect” or “love” you show others. You tend to take on too much at once, and you will often take on overflow work from your employees even if it creates burnout for you. It’s like drowning yourself to keep others from drowning! At the end of the day you are overly-focused on meeting the needs of others that you ignore your own needs. Oh, I forgot. You don’t think you “need” anything. The unconscious and unspoken message you’re sending is, “Oh, you poor people. Where would you be without me? You can’t do it on your own.”

On the plus side, you have genuine empathy and compassion for others and really care about your employees.

You can become a “better” version of yourself when you focus on loving and appreciating yourself, instead of trying to “prove” you’re worthy by acting lovingly toward others.

Business Dysfunction: Workaholic Culture

Leadership Type: Overachieving Ambitious Chameleon – This might be you if you do and say whatever it takes to increase your status and to get what you want. This can make you appear disingenuous. As a competitive type, you set overblown goals then take shortcuts to get there quickly, often sacrificing quality for achieving a goal. You want to be indispensable, so you may appear self-promoting and emotionally disconnected from others at work. Failure is not an option for you.

On the plus side, you are charming, confidently driven, focused, ready to take on any challenge, and you usually succeed. Anyone would love to have you as a mentor.

You can become a “better” version of yourself when you focus on what works and is fulfilling to you, instead of what’s efficient. Realize it isn’t all up to you – you have a whole team to rely upon.

Business Dysfunction: Irresponsibility

Leadership Type: Misunderstood Misanthrope – Do you know you’re creative and unique but feel misunderstood by others? You might feel a tug between wanting to be different and at the same time, you want to be accepted by the mainstream group. More often than not, in an attempt to be unique, you create an inner fantasy of who you are, but you find yourself driving a wedge between yourself and those whose acceptance you seek. You might be this type if you find yourself in the center of drama frequently. Others see you as moody or temperamental. You have a handy excuse for not being accountable when things go wrong – you tell yourself that others just didn’t understand or catch your creative vision.

On the plus side, you are creative and more aware of your own inner emotional life than most people.

You can become a “better” version of yourself when you get out of your own head and fantasy life about how different you are. Realize there is nothing wrong with or flawed about you at bottom. Focus more on your positive characteristics.
For more information on human archetypes learn more about the Enneagram.

Leadership Types Based on Underlying Anger

Some business dysfunctions are driven by leadership types who work from underlying feelings of anger, whether it’s suppressed, acted out, or repressed. Here’s how these types show up.

Business Dysfunction: Power, Control & Micromanagement

Leadership Type #1: Persnickety Perfectionist – Your team sees you as a “black and white” thinker, who is judgmental, controlling, very demanding and never satisfied. For this reason, others keep their distance from you because they don’t think they can please you. Well, you do tend to criticize everything they do! You simply feel obligated to fix everything according to your standards.

On the plus side, you are refined, organized, modest, responsible and concerned with quality. You provide reliability and stability with your principled approach to life.

To soften you approach, acknowledge you anger/dismay and shift just a little to come across as curious about a situation instead of critical Learn to accept that everything is as it should be. Seeking perfection is a process, and often “good enough” is OK.

Leadership Type #2: Pushy Power-Grabber/Bottom-Line Bully – If you’re the second type of “micromanaging” leadership type, your team sees you as controlling, angry, and intimidating. More task- than people-focused, you can sometimes take a “my way of the highway” approach and are subject to angry outbursts that are over as quickly as they appeared. You can be blunt and love a “good discussion” (aka “confrontation”), which is a game to you, but you forget that others can’t withstand the intensity. Afraid of being taken advantage of, you habitually use intimidation and more power than necessary to get what you want. On the plus side, you are a protective leader who would go to the mat for your people. You are good at taking charge and getting things done and who are a daring risk-taker.

Your team will see the real “you” when you pause, slow down, and learn patience. Cultivate relationships with those around you. Realize that the unhealthy, contentious confrontations will eventually do more harm than good.

Business Dysfunction: Disconnection and Withdrawal

Leadership Type: Elegant Evader – Your team experiences you as so conflict avoidant that you retreat from or “give in”, in any situation where there might be the tiniest disagreement. You go to great lengths to maintain an even keel with no ruffled feathers. By avoiding conflict, you ironically create more conflict as your team becomes frustrated with you when work stalls and issues are not resolved. Sometimes you give in to “go along, get along” without noticing the inconsistent decisions made and confusing messages sent. You can appear to go along with others outwardly, but inside you dig in your heels and refuse to budge (ahh — there’s the repressed anger!). On the plus side, you are a peaceful, calm, and kind consensus builder who truly has others’ best interests at heart.

Your team will see the real “you” when you embrace conflict and take initiative to get what you think is important. Learn to live with some discomfort and assert yourself.

Firebrand Consulting

Leadership & Executive Coaching | Systemic Team Coaching