(The following is an updated post based on a blog entry I wrote in March 2011.)
Introduction: Are You Avoiding the Hard Conversations?
Have you ever found yourself tiptoeing around an underperforming employee, hoping the situation will improve on its own? Maybe they’ve been with the company for years, but their work is consistently below standard—or they stir up tension with colleagues and customers. You’ve probably asked yourself: How did we get here? The hard truth? If you’re tolerating poor performance or disruptive behavior, you’re not just managing ineffectively—you may be enabling it instead of empowering the person.
The Fine Line Between Support and Sabotage
Enabling in leadership often stems from a well-intentioned desire to be liked or to avoid conflict. But when we fail to hold someone accountable, we reinforce the very behavior we want to change. This dynamic mirrors what psychologists describe in addiction cycles—where a family member’s avoidance or indulgence keeps the individual stuck in destructive patterns (Beattie, 1987; Cermak, 1986).
Enabling can look like:
- Downplaying problematic behavior: “It’s not that bad.”
- Avoiding difficult conversations.
- Giving inflated performance reviews to avoid pushback.
- Failing to follow up on clear expectations.
If any of this sounds familiar, it’s not just the employee who needs to change—it might be you, too.
The Cost of Enabling: A Hidden Drain on Culture and Performance
When managers enable instead of empower, they send an implicit message: You’re not capable of growth. That’s damaging—not just to the employee, but to the whole team. Research by Gallup (2019) confirms that unaddressed performance issues lower engagement and morale among top performers. High standards don’t just benefit your bottom line; they shape a culture of trust, clarity, and progress.
Think about it: When was the last time you allowed a pattern of low performance to go unchecked? How did that affect your team’s energy and focus?
Empowerment Requires Accountability—And Courage
Empowering a struggling employee doesn’t mean abandoning them. It means expecting more—and offering the support to rise to the occasion. It requires clarity, consistency, and the willingness to face discomfort. As Brené Brown famously states, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
Here’s what empowerment looks like in action:
- Name the issue. Open a candid conversation about what you’ve observed. Avoid blame; focus on the impact.
- Reaffirm expectations. Define what good performance and behavior look like—and why it matters.
- Provide support. Offer resources or training to close gaps.
- Invite accountability. Ask the employee how they plan to shift their approach—and follow up regularly.
- Document and escalate if needed. If behavior doesn’t improve, shift from coaching to formal documentation, following your internal policies.
This process builds trust. It shows your team that you care enough to intervene—and that you believe in their capacity to grow.
Leadership Is Not About Being Liked—It’s About Being Effective
Let’s face it—addressing tough performance issues can be uncomfortable. You might worry about pushback, tears, or anger. That’s natural. But being a leader isn’t about comfort. It’s about creating the conditions where everyone can do their best work. Sometimes that means being respected more than liked.
If you’ve been walking on eggshells, ask yourself: What am I avoiding? What would it look like to step up and lead with courage today?
The Takeaway: Empower, Don’t Enable
The choice is yours. You can continue to enable, hoping problems resolve themselves. Or you can empower—by setting clear expectations, addressing issues head-on, and holding others (and yourself) accountable to higher standards.
Your leadership sets the tone. If you want growth and excellence, model it. Expect it. And support it. That’s how you build teams that thrive—not just survive.
Suggested Resources:
- Beattie, M. (1987). Codependent No More.
- Cermak, T. L. (1986). Diagnosing and Treating Co-Dependence.
- Gallup. (2019). State of the American Workplace Report.
- Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.
🚀Are you ready to step out of the enabling dynamic and into empowered leadership? I guide middle managers and team leaders through transformative leadership development that integrates practical skills with deep self-awareness, so they can lead with clarity, confidence, courage, and impact.
💡Let’s talk about how you can reset expectations and re-ignite performance on your team. Visit firebrandconsultingllc.com to learn more or schedule a free strategy session to talk about your specific issue.