5 Powerful Leadership Pivots to Go From “Meh” to Legendary

transformation How do you react when you think your direct reports are making you look bad? Do you focus on yourself and scurry to salvage your reputation? Or do you focus on your team and take the opportunity to improve your team’s skills and processes?

You’ve spent the better part of your career making sure you were performing, achieving, and getting noticed for what you could produce. Now as a leader, things shift. Instead of you being in the spotlight, the focus is better placed on your direct reports and what their capabilities are. In a weird way, you are in the background, shining the spotlight on your team.

It’s time to rethink what it takes to become an effective and admired leader. To make the shift, here are five powerful pivots you must make to move from being one of the rank and file to standing out as an effective leader.

1. Decrease Focus on Task Work.

Have you ever received a request for something that someone on your team should really do? Did you take it upon yourself to do it “because it was easier” for you to do it rather than delegate it? Wrong. Chances are those types of things are not the best use of your time. Sure. You have task work associated with your position, like drafting various documents, for example. But avoid doing the task work that is meant for your direct reports.

2. Increase Focus on Fostering Relationships.

You’ve heard the phrase, “It’s not WHAT you know, but WHO you know.” To a large extent, that’s true for any leader. Now that you’re in a leadership position, your power comes from harnessing the efforts of other people, which requires persuading, influencing, and collaborating with people who are inside and outside your company. And even though you have authority over your direct reports, you will be more effective if you foster better relationships with them. Pivot away from simply barking marching orders and, instead, seek to coach and influence them.

3. Give Credit; Take Blame.

When you were an individual contributor, you learned to call attention to your capabilities to prove you were a good employee. However, to be seen as an effective leader, eyes are on how well your team does. Pivot away from focusing on yourself and instead highlight the standout contributions of people on your team. Also, pivot away from blaming others for any gaffs and accept responsibility for things that go wrong instead.

4. Listen More.

Along with the idea of focusing on maximizing and highlighting your team, pivot away from freely asserting your opinion first and often. Instead, hang back and listen more to others’ perspectives. Listening more gives you deeper insight into what is going other with other people.

5. Ask More Questions.

When you listen more, you have the opportunity to ask more questions. Asking questions enables you to help your direct reports articulate their thoughts (without you telling them what to think), which will give them confidence and teach them how to think through issues.

When you make these powerful leadership pivots, you will demonstrate the hallmark of solid leadership: building the capacity of those around you.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, BLOG OR WEBSITE? You can, as long as you include this information with it: Beth Strathman works with leaders who want to confidently become the leaders they are meant to be while maximizing the “people side” of business. Learn more at: bethstrathman.com.

Leadership Development: Using Your Fate as a Clue to Your Destiny

impact You encounter leadership problems or challenges all the time. Did you ever notice that they end up being the exact circumstances you need in order to evolve as a person and a leader? You may have issues with people who don’t respond to you as you’d like. You might experience frustrations with initiatives that don’t go as planned. Whenever there is a “rub” that bothers you, it often shows you something about yourself now and who you can become. It is as though these leadership challenges are put in your path as part of your fate.

Fate: Past and Present

In Ancient Greece, the well-known mythology of the Three Fates explained why life unfolded as it did. Lachesis was the Fate who drew the lots, giving each person certain characteristics and conditions along with a plot line for their life. Clotho spun the thread of each person’s life into the larger tapestry of time, giving each human a “twist of fate”. And Atropos decided how each human life would end and presided at the finish to cut the thread of life.

Today, we often use the terms “fate” and “destiny” interchangeably, but these terms can be thought of as two different things. According to mythologist and storyteller, Michael Meade, “fate” is all of the limitations and challenges we encounter throughout our lives (conditions along the path); while “destiny” is our purpose or the ultimate contribution we make to the world (the destination).

Using Your Fate to Achieve Your Destiny

This distinction is key. Reflecting on your fate allows you to examine your past experience (your fate thus far) to maximize the impact you can have now while increasing your potential for achieving your destiny or potential.

So, if you find yourself repeatedly encountering the same frustrating situations, you could think of the irritation as your “fate” poking you to take a look at things more closely. Maybe there are characteristics you could change or evolve further. Maybe there are new ways of thinking that could emerge from those particular circumstances. Often in leadership, we are asked to reflect by looking inward to question our approach, to throw off old patterns, and to step into new learning that will better serve us and those around us.

When reflecting on your “fate” to date, look back on your experiences thus far and take notice of the following:

People who were hugely influential to you;
People who showed up randomly or “out of the blue” to provide guidance or assistance;
Odd or surprising twists that put you in certain places or positions;
Odd events that might not even make sense yet;
Themes that keep coming up (whether or not you’ve figured out what to do with them yet); and
Situations that, at the time, seemed negative, but that turned out best in the long run.

As you look backward, what sense can you make of any of it? What clues does this emerging story provide for where you might go next? What kind of support or new learning would benefit you as you forge ahead?

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, BLOG OR WEBSITE? You can, as long as you include this information with it: Beth Strathman works with corporate leaders who want to enhance their leadership abilities to drive bottom-line results. Learn more about her at: bethstrathman.com.

Leadership Development: What’s Your Destiny?

confidence, destiny As you look at your own leadership development, have you ever had an inkling of where your life might take you? If so, you could say you had an insight to your destiny. It might sound far-fetched to some, but to others, there is an unexplainable “knowing” that helps us make sense of the world and to see where we might be heading in it.

Destiny in Mythology

In the Jewish mythological tradition, the Angel of Conception, Lailah, implanted each tiny soul in its mother’s womb. By the light of a candle, Lailah showed the incubating soul a preview of its unique role in life and what adventures awaited it in the world. Just before birth, Lailah blew out the candle. And as the newborn emerged from the womb, Lailah placed her finger on the baby’s lips. This caused the child to forget everything it learned of its life in the candle-lit womb, sealing the child’s lips shut. Thus, the story goes, your philtrum (the indentation running from the bottom of the nose to the middle of the upper lip) signifies the place where Lailah “shushed” you with her finger, causing you to forget the everything you had seen in utero as you came into the world.

Similarly in modern times, Carl Jung espoused the idea of the “collective unconscious”. This is a universal “soul” that includes inherited, pre-existing, unconscious instincts and archetypes that are shared by all humans. As with the myth about Lailah, Jung taught that we are all born with a forgotten knowing about our lives and the world at large.

The “fun” of all of this is to discover what we will become. After all, achieving your destiny wouldn’t be challenging if you knew exactly what it was. This is true of who you are becoming as a leader, too.

Fate Versus Destiny

Often the terms “fate” and “destiny” are used interchangeably, but you can think of them as two different aspects of your unfolding life. “Fate” defines the context and all of the constraints you operate under during your life. This include your family, your physical appearance and capabilities, the time period in which you live, where you live, the beliefs you acquire, your personality traits, etc. In contrast, “destiny” is the destination of your life. Think of it as your purpose or the ultimate contribution you are capable of making to the world. You have and will continue to experience the twists and turns of your fate along the way. But it remains to be seen whether you will achieve your ultimate destiny.

No matter where your destiny lies, the fateful experiences you have as a leader provide a fertile ground for learning what you need to know to achieve your destiny. The problem is, you must feel your way along, never really certain where everything will end up. As Michael Meade writes in his book, The Genius Myth, “Life must be lived forward but can only be understood by looking backward.” That is, every person, every encounter, every setback, and every success is part of your “becoming”. They point toward your destiny.

This is important because viewing your leadership trajectory in light of your history, helps make sense of who you are becoming as a leader. And knowing this, you can step more fully into the leader you’re meant to become.
Where does your destiny lie? Is your destiny directly related to your career? Or does it lie in another aspect of your life? Is your leadership role simply a twist of fate on the way to something else? Or is it your destiny?

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, BLOG OR WEBSITE? You can, as long as you include this information with it: Beth Strathman works with corporate leaders who want to enhance their leadership abilities to drive bottom-line results. Learn more about her at: bethstrathman.com.

How to Shift From Emotionally Reactive To Calmly Responsive

calm response Emotional reactivity indicates a lack of self-control. When you are an emotionally reactive leader, people will follow you – but out of fear rather than out of respect. And they certainly will think twice about showing initiative because they can’t predict if and how you’ll react. Alternatively, if you respond without outburts and negativity, not only will people follow you, they will respect and admire you.

Calm responsiveness shows an ability of your neocortex’s rational executive function to quell the illogical emotionality of the limbic brain. A calm response is less likely to send others into a fearful survival mode. The discipline to calmly choose your response in challenging situations gives you a better chance of displaying emotionally competent leadership as compared to “losing it”.

Taking the time to think through options and to respond consciously is a hallmark of a strong leader and can payoff big. To wean yourself of the habit of reactivity, practice 3 things:

1. Notice and acknowledge when something has triggered a reaction.

You can’t do anything about your reactivity if you don’t know when it’s happening. Often, the best sign that you are being reactive is that you experience a negative emotion – anywhere between mild irritation to an outright meltdown. That unpleasant emotion often expresses itself physically in your body. This can include a contraction in the stomach, a palpitation in the heart, or a flush in the face. When you notice these sensations, take note and acknowledge to yourself that you’re in reactive mode.

2. Do something different than your usual reaction.

When you notice your reactivity, you can break your usual cycle and choose to do something different. You won’t break your reactive tendencies if you keep allowing yourself to automatically act on the negative emotion by raising your voice, using choice words, or physically acting out. Instead you can choose to rewire your brain to create a more appropriate response.

To do this, slow down. Observe yourself from an outside perspective, like floating above yourself. Then you can try reframing the situation in the best possible light or affirming the good intentions of the other person. You could even interrupt the automatic reaction by excusing yourself and taking a short walk (like to the restroom) to remove yourself from the situation.

The goal is to interrupt your automatic negative reaction. For example, once you notice irritation or anger when stuck in traffic or cut off by another driver, reframe the traffic situation as a lucky thing because it is positioning you precisely where you need to be to avoid a problem. Or you can make up a story about the other driver’s good intentions even though an accident resulted. This way, you’ll be less likely to feed your frustration or pound on the steering wheel.

3. Practice.

Rinse and repeat. Every time you feel the negative emotions coming on, practice catching yourself and choosing a different thought or behavior. The more you practice interrupting your cycle of reactivity, the more likely you are to build new neural networks. When you do that, you will build different capabilities that are more calm and responsive to these triggering situations.

Think about the last time, you reacted negatively in a noticeable way. What did you do or say? If someone behaved that way in front of you, what would you think of that person? Is that the leader you want to be?

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR NEWSLETTER, BLOG OR WEBSITE? You can, as long as you include this information with it: Beth Strathman works with senior leaders I work with corporate leaders to increase employee engagement and retention by aligning strategy and tactics in times of rapid growth and change. Learn more about her at: bethstrathman.com.

Be the Bigger Person When Receiving Feedback

Giving quality feedback in a respectful way can be hard. Receiving feedback in a respectful way is even harder. (Even receiving positive feedback for some is difficult.) During and after receiving negative feedback in particular, do you notice you have heightened negative emotions or niggling thoughts that linger long afterwards? That just shows you care.

When I refer to feedback, I mean any information that is given to you about your own behavior, communication, or performance that is intended to make you aware of how you impacted someone else – whether good or bad. However, I’ll focus on receiving negative feedback, which often feels harder to swallow.

As a leader, you probably find yourself being the formal giver of feedback more often than a formal receiver of it. Still, there are many opportunities to receive feedback. You can solicit feedback from individuals, via employee surveys, or through a 360-degree feedback process. You may also receive unsolicited feedback from anyone at work.

Positioning yourself as a good receiver of feedback can be very powerful for you personally and as a role model for your team and the rest of your company. It really boils down to being the “bigger” person when receiving feedback.

If possible, you can practice receiving feedback on your terms by creating the best conditions possible to get feedback. These are situations where you have a lot of control by choosing the following:

the specific feedback you wan;
a non-threatening setting in which to receive the feedback; and
people you respect and trust to provide the feedback.

Even under these conditions, it can still be hard to receive any negative or constructive feedback, but these might be the best conditions for implementing these tips for receiving unsolicited, negative feedback:

1. Keep your ego in check.

Even if you are high up the food chain, you aren’t perfect and are not above making improvements. To avoid getting your ego too involved, frame the intentions of the feedback giver in the best possible light. What are their good intentions for giving you feedback?

2. Keep your power in check.

Be aware of any power differential in your relationship with the feedback giver, especially if you have more positional power. It’s important to keep emotions down, or you risk having a chilling effect on getting future feedback. If you feel yourself getting angry, defensive, snarky, or deflecting blame onto others, these reactions can be magnified by your power and send amplified shockwaves back to the feedback givers or throughout your team. Or your heightened emotions may really be signaling your insecurity around the feedback topic.

3. Gauge your intention vs. impact.

Based on the feedback, how big is the gap between how you thought you were coming across and the actual impact you had on others? For most feedback, this the heart of the matter, or the point of the feedback. Take stock. It is, however, harder to gauge if you don’t respect the person’s opinion.

4. Accept the feedback graciously.

To do this, be quiet and listen without arguing. Avoid minimizing the person’s opinion, turning the tables on them to give THEM feedback, or disputing the feedback. Maintain neutral facial expressions and body language, and at the end, simply thank the person for their input. You may ask clarifying questions if necessary to understand the circumstances, or you may ask for specific tips you could employ to do better next time.

5. Consider the feedback.

You don’t have to accept all feedback as true or helpful. Take time in the subsequent days or weeks to decide what feedback to accept or reject. You may want to test the feedback with others you trust or validate the feedback by noticing your behaviors in similar situations going forward.

6. Circle back to the person.

When you circle back, you do so in the spirit of letting them know you’ve been considering the feedback and to thank them again for their candor. You are not obligated to report on what you’re doing about it. Just touching base with them again lets them know there are no hard feelings and serves as a good model for receiving feedback without letting it adversely affect work relationship.

Finding out you’ve fallen short of someone’s expectations can be hard. It’s just an indication of the degree to which you do care about being the best you can be. However, you show your colleagues and employees how to be a great leader when you can practice what you preach and give feedback as good as you get it.

How You Might Be Undermining Your Team’s Drive for Results

I was recently asked, “How do I get my team to run with the ball instead of relying on me so much to tell them what to do? They should know how to and when to move things forward!”

Every leader wants a highly competent and motivated team who, with some planning and reflection, can move their areas of responsibility in the right direction, based on company vision, values, and goals.

When this doesn’t happen, you must look at yourself first. After all, you control the conditions employees work within. So it’s a safe bet that you might be encouraging or discouraging certain behaviors – in this case, an over-reliance on you and your opinion.

In general, I assume you have the right people in the right roles, but that is something to take a look at. Maybe a team member isn’t competent or is in the wrong role. Well, that at least tells you something about your hiring process and criteria. Maybe you need to look at that. But assuming you have capable individuals in place, here are some things to consider:

1. You could be sending mixed messages.

That is, your actions say one thing and your words say another. For example, you might tell a direct report to “run with” an idea, but if you believe that you are the smartest person in the company or that no one does as good a job as you do, you might criticize decisions your direct report makes or grill him on how things are being done, even when his judgment calls are perfectly acceptable. You might say you trust him to move forward, but you end up breathing over his shoulder for every move or even wrest back control by inserting yourself into decisions or conversations with others. In effect, your actions end up cancelling out your words.

2. You may not have set a clear path.

If your team does not know where they are going with an aligned vision, goals and priorities, they will be lost. Having a clear path forward empowers them to know what to do, when, and how to work together. That means that they won’t need to check with you so frequently about what to do next.

3. You may not have put in place supportive work structures.

If you don’t build supportive work structures, your team won’t work together the way you want, such as being interdependent, cooperative, and accountable to each others. These structures include fair compensation that is internally equitable and externally competitive, bonuses that don’t get in the way of taking appropriate risks, and recognition for things like creativity, innovation, surpassing customer expectations, etc.

4. You may not have created a culture of responsibility and accountability.

This means behavioral expectations are lacking for handling conflict, working across “silos”, taking risks, etc. Hey, we would like to think that adults do this automatically, but they don’t. You have to make sure there are clear behavioral norms in place, so your team knows how to act. And of course, you need to enforce them, too.

Assuming you have the right people on your team but are disappointed that they don’t seem to take responsibility, you are probably doing something or have failed to do something to be clear about your expectations. It all starts with you.

2 Signs You’re a Leader Who Kills With Kindness

You see yourself as one of the most caring leaders on the planet. You really listen to your employees and their complaints. You work hard to create good relationships with your direct reports, seeking to be a special type of boss to them.

You do what you can to make things better for a distressed employee, whether that is:

disregarding policy to give someone extra leave;
loaning money to an employee who can’t make ends meet;
frequently adjusting someone’s work schedule to accommodate their busy personal life even if it doesn’t make sense for the business; or
allowing an employee to miss a deadline because you didn’t want to be the bad guy.

The current research points to “likeability” (meaning treating others with respect) as a valuable leadership trait. Yet, you routinely go beyond seeking respect when you:

Focus Excessively on the Relationship.

You see self as caring and take pride in that. You consider leaders who are “task-focused” to be uncaring louts. However, you take kindness and caring to extremes. To let employees know you are “on their side”, you might find yourself gossiping or leaking bits of confidential information to them. You might even bad-mouth other leaders in the company to curry favor with direct reports. You flatter employees or do nice things for them with a hidden agenda of getting loyalty, recognition or a compliment back. You have a hard time saying “no”.

Consequently, you placate an employee by ignoring applicable policies or work expectations when an individual exception isn’t warranted. You often choose to do a favor for one direct report over the long-term cohesiveness or “good” of the group. However, when others don’t reciprocate your kindness in ways you expect, you feel resentful.

Have Poor Boundaries.

Your intent focus on creating a special relationship with others leads to poor boundaries. This shows up as giving unsolicited advice or sharing too much about your personal life in hopes that others will trust you with their secrets, which you believe validates you as a caring boss.

An indication of poor physical boundaries includes putting your arm around someone’s shoulder to show understanding or hugging others when a handshake is customary. Beyond the physical boundaries, you stay too involved your direct reports’ work assignments and jump into to rescue them by doing the work or solving problems for them when they run into snags.

It feels so good to be the person others go to for help and advice. Ah, the exhilaration of being needed! Except that when you do for your employees what they can do for themselves, you’ve made it about your competence instead of about their personal and professional growth. Give them permission to fail and to learn from experience. Support their evolution as individuals who are resilient, resourceful and strong.

Firebrand Consulting

Leadership & Executive Coaching | Systemic Team Coaching